4 Truths From My 27 Years of Life

My birthday is in a week, and I can’t help but think back on my years, the wisdom gained, the mistakes made, the heartache and triumphs that led me to year 27, and ask myself, what have I learned?

I settled on four things that collectively sum up the past 27 years.  

1.     Playing Small Is Overrated.

If I had one word to describe my early twenties, it would be scared, and The Lord did not call us to have a spirit of fear.

I constantly played scared because I was fearful of rejection and failure.  

I didn’t say the things I should’ve said.

I didn’t fight for the things I thought were right.

I didn’t pursue dreams that felt too big.

I didn’t dig my heels into who The Lord said I was.

I didn’t make a path that was my own; rather, I followed a “good enough” version.

I didn’t sing karaoke and dance with strangers.

I didn’t wear the spunky outfit that I loved because it wasn’t trendy.

I didn’t go on dates and kiss the boys.

I didn’t try new things that stretched my level of comfort.

I played small, and today, I battle with the idea that I wasted time.

Wasted time by not living my life unapologetically and authentically to my own standards of myself.

It’s still a foreign concept, and some days, it’s uncomfortable to be authentically me, but if I learned anything through playing small, it’s that life’s too short to be anything but fun.

So, I dare you to play big and do the things that call you to unstable waters for a change.  

I dare you to dance in the restaurant.

I dare you to sing with strangers.

I dare you to start that thing you’ve been putting off.

I dare you to wear things that make you feel pretty, despite of whether you think people might like it.

I dare you to quit the job you absolutely hate.

I dare you to say yes to the guy who’s not your type.

I dare you to take that trip and get it out of the group chat.

I dare you to live boldly because playing small is overrated in a world where the possibilities are endless and the life we have is unpromised.

2.     Your Gut Is NEVER Wrong.

Point blank, period, but I wish I had a nickel for every time I ignored my gut because I’d be rich.

Quick story…

So, this one time, I got engaged to this super nice guy who checked all the boxes, but I knew down to my core that he wasn’t the one.  

Regardless of how I knew in my gut that I couldn’t marry him, I still said yes.

He was great, and we were the best of friends. We laughed, enjoyed our time together, had the same viewpoints on religion and morals. I loved his family; he would’ve been a great dad and husband. The whole thing was picture-perfect, and we looked really freaking good on paper, but it was all wrong inside my heart.

I had ignored my gut for nearly four months leading up to our engagement, which only lasted a month. I prayed diligently over the situation, asking for The Lord to shut the doors that I was not meant to walk through, and boy, did he.

A month after he proposed, I called off the engagement. 

It was the scariest decision of my entire life.

I had invested so much of my life into this – I sold my home, moved in with him, and allowed myself to become intertwined in such a way that simply “calling it off” wasn’t an easy notion, but I did it because I knew my gut was right about this being wrong.

I knew instantly.

The second I drove away from his house to sit in the decision I had just made, I knew that I had made the best decision for both myself and him.

Nobody wants to be married to someone who isn’t all in. That’s not fair to anybody.

The fear that could’ve kept me at bay wasn’t big enough to keep me from walking into the unknown for the sake of trusting that gut feeling. 

If it’s not a full body yes, it’s a no for me.

3.     Jesus Is So Good.

Jesus in Himself is beautiful.

The freedom in His name.

The mercy in His promises.

The kindness He shows us, even though we are so undeserving.

I am constantly humbled to be His bride and honored to be able to worship Him.

He abundantly blesses me, even when I feel like His “no” or “not right now” is the end of all things good in my life.

However, it’s not always easy to show up and deliver on my side of our relationship. I find that the busier my life is, the harder it is to “find the time” to come to Him in prayer, and the longer I go, the more shame I feel when I do show up.

Anyone else? 

I want to encourage you with this because so many days, this is the only way I have the energy to show up.

Say His name.

Speak it over the moments alone.

Speak it over the wins.

Speak it over the losses.

Speak it over the friendships and relationships in your life.

Speak it over the moments you feel frazzled and drained.

Speak it over the moments you look in the mirror and pick yourself apart.

Speak it over your job.

Because, despite our need to “impress” and “show out,” He always meets me in the mess simply because I called on His name.

So, over the years, I’ve found that His name alone brings peace, and in the hardest moments of my life, this is the constant word I’ve mumbled – Jesus.

 4.     Being Courageous, Despite A Lack of Confidence.

I went to this convention once in my early twenties, which spoke so much life over me that I left the main convention hall, walked several miles to the end of Deep Ellum, and got the word “courageous” tattooed on my forearm in Greek.

It was a rash decision that I didn’t think through and consequently still have in black ink on my right forearm, but I am so grateful for it.

There have been many moments in my life where I have not felt confident to show up or step out into the unknown, but doing it despite those feelings, is courageous.

Confident people get things done and are great achievers, but so are courageous people.

Truthfully, courageous people are more powerful, in my opinion.

The ones who do things regardless of feeling prepared or equipped, but do it anyway.

The ones who figure it out along the way and turn those lessons into information for the curious behind them.

The few who defy the odds and show up day in and day out because they know that confidence doesn’t equal success.

We’re called to be courageous, not confident, because the only thing we should truly be confident in is The Lord.

There will be many days in our lifetime when we lack the confidence to do anything outside our comfort zones, but never let there be a day that we will live without the courage to step out and do it despite the fear.

Because, like lesson number 1, playing small is so overrated.

XX, Kaela